Spenny, what are your thoughts on the ol' wedding ring trick? I'm not married, but I'm considering wearing one out to the bar from time to time to see if I could pick up a few hungry homewreckers. Do you think this would work... and do you think it's overly unethical?
There are two ways to go with this.
One is that you’re a complete scumbag/douchebag (pick your bag), who can’t get laid as a single man, and have deluded yourself that somehow your chances will improve by deception and looking for a far less common female scumbag/douchebag.
Wading deeper into the complex ethics pool, you have stumbled upon what I like to call a moral conundrum. Why? Because one could argue that your “wedding ring” deception is neutralized by the gal’s home-wrecking ethos. In effect, it could be seen as a moral wash to anybody who gives a shit. Rationalize if you must.
All that said, my final opinion, for posterity: You’re a bag of some sort, and if you bone the home-wrecker, you probably deserve each other.
I'm 47 years old and have never managed to have sex with a woman. I'm shy and hardly socialize. I've always had insecurities regarding my size and have worried about erection problems. Is there any shame in paying for it at this point? Or, any shame in paying for it at all - no matter the situation? Help!
Jeez. You’re in worse shape than the dude in the Tragically Hip tune. Wasn’t he 38 years old? Are you really just shy and unsocial or are you on the Asperger's spectrum? I’d look into that if i were you. Aspergers is interesting. It’s like autism light. They say Bill Gates is one. Also, the guy who figured out that millions of homes would be foreclosed and made a shitload of cash. So, hey, you might be a genius! If so, and you know how to monetize, you'll be swatting the broads away with a padded stick.
However, assuming you’re not a genius, and you want to get a prostitute to experience what you’ve been missing, you might want to think twice. It’s a good idea in theory. There might still be legal repercussions, which I find confusing considering the apartment above my local corner store doles out more professional hand jobs per day than a teenager watching his first porn. No arrests imminent. So, legal anomalies aside, you may find the professional experience worse than your non-existent amateur sex life. I say this because, unless you find a sensitive, caring, empathetic hooker, who you probably couldn’t afford, if she even exists, your neurosis related to your penis size and performance ability will surely be taken advantage of by the hooker. My guess is that she’ll arrive at your home at 11:30pm and will be gone with your money by 11:36, leaving you sticky, and with the same problems…maybe even a worse problem.
My advice? Keep trying. Although I truly have no idea, I believe it will happen for you. If not, you need to get really good at masturbation with or without porn. The truth is, it can be better than the real thing, and you don’t have to spring for dinner.
Does the way a woman's vagina look have any indication of how much sex she has had? I've always wondered, and I know it's a stupid question, but maybe you can help me out. Some vagina's look like they have never been touched and others look like they have seen a few penises in there day. Not trying to apply this to any real life situation though….
As my sex mentor, and spiritual guru, Andrew “Dice” Clay once said, “It starts out as a little pink dot , then years later it looks like veal parmigiana. Ohhhhhh!”
The vagina is as mysterious as me having a sex advice column. Some get it, while others are lost in the juicy, fleshy folds and alleged pleasure buttons.
Nonetheless, I researched your question by watching “Debbie Does Dallas” and it appears that the lead actress, Bambi Woods, who I have to assume has banged more than a few gentlemen in her day, had what appeared to be a “normal” looking vagina. I wouldn’t say that it looked like “it has never been touched”, but it wasn’t stretched out of shape in any obvious way. Thankfully, the vagina has elasticity, which means if it was pummelled by a guy hung like Jon Hamm on Tuesday, a guy hung like Enrique Iglesias could conceivably have some vaginal friction by say, Thursday.
The stretched rectum, affectionately called a “gape” by the porno crowd, also miraculously shrinks back to a semblance of anus normalcy, much to the chagrin of colostomy bag manufacturers.
Sadly, some vaginas are just prettier than others, but it is objective. What can I say? A lot of people enjoy veal parm.
The experts say the vagina is closed system, thus nothing can be lost in it. However, with respect to the experts, I disagree. I lose control all the time in a vagina. But, I digress.
Lastly, you say you’re “not trying to apply this to any real life situations”. Sure. You might as well be honest and say, “I’m hung like Enrique Iglesias .” I didn’t just fall off the sex advice turnip truck.
And yes, it’s a stupid question.